Calling all Earthians

- Sangeeta Pillai Lander

Displaced? Me?

I’ve always dreamed of exotic travel – even when I was a little girl growing up in a crowded one-bedroom suburban Mumbai apartment within a family of five. I dreamed, yes, but never thought it was possible. And wonder of wonders, I now live in another country and I explore different countries every few months. The act of stepping into a plane and passing through another immigration queue feels like passing through an alternative reality – you emerge at the other end feeling like a more exciting, exotic version of yourself.

But who is this person? I’d say “Indian” in a flash. Yet my passport says “British”. The strange thing is – I’m not sure what I feel. Indian or British? Neither or both?

When I moved to the UK four years ago, everything felt strange. The air tasted different, crisper with a hint of the red double-decker buses and cut-glass accents of my imagination. The smells were amazing – I remember stepping off the plane at Heathrow and thinking, “Wow, they must use a lot of perfume here.” Everything smelt so good, so polished. The accents were different, and some downright confusing particularly the Glaswegian and Northern ones.

The amazing thing about my particular displacement is – I don’t feel displaced at all. I feel like I’ve got my feet planted on Indian and European soil at the same time. Now while that sounds extremely unbalanced, the truth is it’s actually quite comfortable.

I live in the UK, work in the UK, party in the UK, grow every day in the UK into a more well rounded person (I like to think). London is an incredibly inspiring melting pot – it absorbs all sorts of nationalities, people and ideas. It lets you be who you are, and in fact enhances who you are. I love waking up on a Saturday morning spoilt for choice – I could discover a new artist or explore art works from old masters. I could eat a Turkish, Swedish or Sri Lankan lunch. I could take a walk along the river and see the sights and hear the sounds from a city that’s rich in centuries-old history. I could hear some un-recognised yet brilliant musicians. The options are endless and exciting.

But I also make sure I spend a few weeks every year in India. The strange thing is – the moment I step onto Indian soil, I become Indian. My accent becomes Indian, my body and brain become Indian. It feels like I never left. There’s none of that expected – oh gosh, everything looks and feels different. To me, it feels exactly how it did when I left 4 years ago. I feel myself seep into India and India seeping back into me.

And yes, I become more British when I return. I talk incessantly about the weather. I whine about this, that and the other. I live for the weekends – and make sure I extract every moment’s worth of fun from every one of them. In fact, I plan each weekend ahead sometimes a few months in advance. (I used to complain about this supposed lack of spontaneity when I first moved here and now I do exactly the same thing!)

I seem to have developed this almost chameleon-like ability to become one with my background. I am Indian. I am British. I am neither. I am both.

There is something I should mention – I live in a very Indian neighborhood. In fact, out of all the neighborhoods I could’ve chosen in London – I chose to live in an Indian one. Nothing warms my heart like the sight of a new south Indian eatery opening up on my street. I walk around on Diwali day beaming at the all the lamps and diyas on the street, all the Bollywood belching out of the stereos, the firecrackers exploding in the sky.

So maybe that’s the secret of my non-displacement. As a friend remarked, “You live in India and then get on the tube and go to work in London”. That about sums it up, I think.

Does it really matter how you define yourself? In the midst of this endless galaxy within galaxies, among all the infinite stars and planets – surely all that really matters is that you feel at home among what really is a finite number of countries and nationalities. Maybe they should start issuing passports soon for a new nationality – Earth-ian. You’d be surprised at the number of applicants queuing up for that one.